Long Before Baby -- Pregnancy Diary Part 1

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"I'm never getting married.", I said. And I meant it.

All throughout my teens and early twenties I was pretty set on never tying the knot. 

Having kids? Nope. It really didn't even cross my mind as a possibility for my life.

There were too many places to go, too many things to see and to be honest my motto was: I do what I want.

The untraditional felt best for me. I didn't want to just check boxes and I never wanted to do something a certain way just because that was how you are "supposed" to do it.

For the majority of my twenties, it was just me. Everything I owned fit into my car and I liked it like that! Life was good.

Theeeeeeen came Tom.

It was 2013, and I was finishing up school. I was ready to get out of Las Vegas and do something new. Having lived on Maui briefly, I always wanted to go back. Hawaii became my biggest dream.

I was doing my research on making my way back to the islands when I decided to reach out to Tom. We graduated high school together in 2006 and after school he lived on Maui for three years. He had returned to the mainland and was living in Arizona when I sent him a Facebook message.

"Hey Tom, it's been a while, hope all is well! I'm thinking of making my way out to Hawaii, just curious, why did you leave?"

He wrote me back and let me know he missed living there everyday. He gave me some really good insight and after reading his message I landed on his profile.

Tom was tall and so darn cute. He just got back from Europe! "What a cool dude.", I thought. He was running races, snowboarding and traveling all over. Hmm.

We wrote messages back and forth for a couple days just catching up... it had been 8 years since we graduated! Tom mentioned that he was going to be in Vegas THAT WEEKEND and asked if I wanted to grab lunch.

That was that. We went to lunch and I swear to you, that day, I knew I was going to marry him.

February 26th, 2013 -- Tom flew to Vegas to have lunch with me. Little did I know, two years later, he'd be my husband!

February 26th, 2013 -- Tom flew to Vegas to have lunch with me. Little did I know, two years later, he'd be my husband!

Falling in love with Tom was so easy. He made everything better. He was fun. He made me laugh like no one else in the world and he made me want to be the best version of myself.

I fell for Tom fast. (Who was I?!)  It was tough for me to let my guard down and yet I just trusted him. He loved me and I loved him, so much. 

When Tom got down on one knee a year and a half later, in Hawaii, I said yes. I don't think there was anything in the world I was more sure of. It is funny how things happen and it's funny how things change.

As for babies? It was a very distant thought although it strangely crossed my mind. We were both pretty unsure and there were no absolutes. When it came up we decided that would be a bridge we would cross WAY LATER. 

First, travel!

Thomas George -- Birth Story

Birth Story -- Thomas George

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I'm convinced that going through labor and delivery is the most intense, 'in the moment' experience of all time. You can read and plan all you want but you can never truly prepare for what will play out. I'm convinced that women are incredibly strong and heroically brave and I'm 100% convinced that every single women's experience, no matter what it is, is absolutely perfect and beautiful. What a miracle.

Having a natural, vaginal, unmedicated birth was my greatest desire from day one. I felt so confident in my body's ability to not only grow a healthy human for 9 months but to also bring that healthy human into the world free from medical intervention. I read so many books and sought support from other moms that had the experience I was aiming for. I had my birth plan written out and printed. In my mind, it wasn't going to happen any other way.

The story of Thomas George

We took this picture right before we left for Castle. My last bump picture at 40+5. 

We took this picture right before we left for Castle. My last bump picture at 40+5. 

It was 11pm on New Year's Day when we arrived at Castle.

My contractions started the day before and were finally averaging 5 minutes apart. I had tested positive for group B strep earlier that month and was told to go in a bit early so they could start me on antibiotics.

When I arrived they put me through triage and checked me for the first time. Oh. My. Goodness. That was so painful and I was only 2cm dilated! I had to be at least 5cm before they would admit me. What a bum! My doula Katie arrived and at midnight we all started walking the halls, stopping every few minutes to breathe through contractions.

Over six hours later, at 6:30am January 2nd, they finally admitted me. At this point I was in labor. My contractions were intense and consistent. Lots of deep breathing, really loud, really long groans. It was all happening, finally, and we were thinking we would be meeting baby J very soon. (Ha!)

By early morning I was getting tired but still felt determined. The pain was hardcore but I had amazing support and my body was totally doing it. Following my birth plan, Katie filled the tub with hot water and at 7:00am I took the absolute best bath of my LIFE! I soaked in the birthing tub for over an hour... breathing deeply and trying my best to relax.

Being monitored while breathing through the early contractions. I hadn't been admitted yet. I can't tell if that's a smile or a 'holy crap this hurts' face.

Being monitored while breathing through the early contractions. I hadn't been admitted yet. I can't tell if that's a smile or a 'holy crap this hurts' face.

It was about 8:15am when I decided to go back to bed. They installed a birthing bar and I labored in many different positions over the next few hours. Primal noises, primal movements. With every contraction I needed to hold on to something with all my might: Tom, Katie, the birthing bar or in a few instances, Tom's hair (sorry love!).

Hour after hour after hour.. chugging along anxious to get this show on the road and even more anxious to meet our baby boy.

It was 9:15am when my midwife arrived. I had been laboring at Castle for over 10 hours! She checked me and I was dilated to 7cm. That was great, except my water still hadn't broken... they talked about breaking it but wanted to give me one more round of antibiotics first. So we had to wait... power on, breathe and wait.

By 11:45am I was dilated to 8cm (almost there!) and my contractions were SO STRONG. I was in a lot of pain now that I think back but in the moment I just did my best to get through one contraction at a time. I was still so determined and at this point and I was feeling strong and capable. I just kept thinking that he had to, had to come soon.

From 12pm-3pm I labored on but stayed right there at 8cm. What? No progress... I was 16 hours in, 8cm dilated but not making progress. I was starting to lose steam. It's so hard to really describe any of these moments but if I could, in this moment, READY would be the word. I was so ready. Doing my best to breathe but in reality, at this point, I was hollering (at the top of my lungs) through contraction after contraction.

Finally at 3pm they gave me one more dose of antibiotics and my midwife popped my water bag. We waited. Nothing. Stuck. I was stuck at 8cm.. then my cervix started to swell.  

My midwife came in and sat down. She said they truly wanted to honor my birth plan but she also wanted to give me her honest opinion. My cervix was swelling and I wasn't dilating past 8cm. She really wanted to give me some pitocin to move things along, but it was up to me. Pitocin, she advised, would intensify my labor so she suggested an epidural along with it so I could rest, labor down and prepare for delivery.

In all honesty, I was in some serious pain and I was beyond exhausted. I talked to Tom and Katie and it didn't take me long to decide. "I'll take the epidural along with the pitocin.", I told her with confidence.

For a brief moment I was bummed, this was not the plan. This wasn't the plan at all but that feeling was so short lived. It felt like centuries until the Dr. arrived. I truly don't think I could have made it through one more contraction. He gave me the epidural at 4:15pm, 17 hours in, and I fell to the bed in total relief. The nurses covered me in warm blankets and I closed my eyes. There is no way to truly explain what I felt in the moment and I swear if I had the energy to cry tears of joy I would have... instead I drifted off to sleep silently thanking God. 

So I napped. A glorious, glorious nap as my son labored down.

At 6:00pm I finally hit 10cm. When they let me know it was almost time to push I really couldn't believe it. His head was right there, I could feel it! I was doing it, we were doing it and after all the waiting our baby was almost here.

With a cue from my midwife, at 6:45pm, I began pushing. At this point I couldn't feel anything except for a little pressure. I had my husband holding one leg and my doula holding the other... I looked around and I swear there were 20 people in the room. A contraction would begin and they would all say in unison, "PUSH!"

This part felt very easy to me, and when the time came I'd just give it all I had. Everyone in the room would shower me with encouragement and compliments (they must have known how bad I needed to hear it, lol). I'd relax and then repeat.

I had been pushing for an easy 45 minutes. I felt his head moving down, and it was nearing the end. What a trippy, trippy feeling. We were about to meet our son!

In that moment I glanced over at Tom and I knew something was wrong (the monitor lost his heartbeat). As my midwife performed a swift episiotomy, the whole room yelled, "PUSH!!!". I closed my eyes and pushed with absolutely everything I had and at 7:29pm on January 2nd, my son was born.

Just moments after meeting our son for the first time -- 7:29pm on January 2nd!

Just moments after meeting our son for the first time -- 7:29pm on January 2nd!

There he was. I watched in slow motion as they lifted his little body up and unwrapped the umbilical cord from around his neck, his arm and his leg. 

The nurse placed him on my chest and I looked up at Tom. Oh. My. GOODNESS the emotion. THE EMOTION. I'm not sure how long we stayed like that. Time stopped. I was so happy and so exhausted, grateful and absolutely depleted. I did it. We did it. I followed about 30% of my birth plan but none of that mattered. In that moment I felt like the strongest woman in the world. He was here, our son was here!

When nurse came over to check him she noticed something was wrong with his breathing. There were so many people everywhere and at this point and I was so out of it, shaking uncontrollably. I must have fallen asleep as they took him because that is the last I remember from the delivery. 

The first picture I took of Thomas George. January 3rd, 2017.

The first picture I took of Thomas George. January 3rd, 2017.

I woke up around 1:00am in a dark room, Tom was sleeping on the couch next to me. From chaos to complete silence. I was hurting all over but I had to see my son. "What was going on? Where was he? Is everything ok?", I played over and over in my mind.

I made my way to the door and flagged down a nurse, she got a wheelchair and without hesitation brought me to the nursery.

There he was. My little blonde boy with fluffy hair. He was all wrapped up and the only word I can think of to describe him was perfection. He was perfect and standing there in the nursery, in the middle of the night, I completely lost it. Tears of uncertainty and tears of joy.

Nursing, holding, kissing and praying. Everyday.

Nursing, holding, kissing and praying. Everyday.

The nurse explained that when the cord wrapped around his neck he lost oxygen causing him to poop. He then inhaled and swallowed that sticky, tar like substance, meconium. They were able to get it out of his stomach but it was still in his lungs. They put him on oxygen and told me they'd update me in the morning.

After doing his blood work they decided they wanted to keep him in the nursery for a while. It looked like he had developed an infection and needed antibiotics. It was so hard to see his little body all hooked up struggling to breathe. The hardest part was the IVs! They had to continuously start new ones because Mr. Strongbaby would knock them out. He had them in his hands, his feet, his arms and his legs. Eehk. Also, like a lot of babies, Thomas became a bit jaundice. Under the light he goes! At this point we really had to rely on faith and each other. I prayed a lot and we did our best to stay positive.

I was a patient at Castle for the first two days and began my healing process. I worked with the lactation consultants to established breastfeeding/pumping and we spent as much time with Thomas as possible.

After those two days, it was time for me to be discharged. We had to go home. We held off until late that evening and when it came time to go, I totally lost it. (I did say this was the most emotional week of my life, right?) How on earth was I supposed to go home when my baby was still there?

Fortunately, the nurse taking care of Thomas that night was absolutely fantastic. She gave me the biggest hug and told me it was an honor to care for our son. She gave me the nursery number and said to call her anytime for updates. Tom and I locked hands and headed to the car. It was so hard and I cried all the way home.

The week chugged on. Pump at night, early rise, Castle all day, home, shower, bed, repeat.

It wasn't long though, and things started looking up. Our son kept proving that he is incredibly strong. Soon he was off oxygen, out from under the jaundice light and he was breathing really well. By the end of the week he was off all monitors and the only thing keeping us there was him needing to finish the full week of antibiotics. 

The morning of January 10th was one that is hard to describe. The skies were blue, the mountains were clear and the sun was shining. It was a perfect Hawaii day. We headed into Castle with our carseat in tow, our Thomas George was going home!

We made our rounds, hugging up everyone like crazy! We packed up and out to the car we went. 

We did it! We made it.. and our healthy little family was finally going home.

January 10th, 2017 -- after 8 days in the nursery, we are finally heading HOME! 

January 10th, 2017 -- after 8 days in the nursery, we are finally heading HOME! 

Thank you, Tom, for being everything that a father and husband should be. You didn't miss a beat that week. Sharing every single experience and being so strong when I couldn't. The love you have for your family is undeniable. You'll always be my greatest blessing. We did it! What a miracle our son is. Grazie mille, my love.

Thank you to my doula Katie. I honestly, honestly don't know what I would have done had you not been there that day. Thank you for being there and being the sister that I needed so much. From the beginning all the way until we were holding Thomas. Thank you, Katie. 

Thank you to our families and friends that were supporting and encouraging near and far. Sorry for the scare! We love you guys so much and are so lucky that you love Thomas the way you do. Thank you, thank you.

To the insanely brilliant mama tribe that continues to share their experiences with me, THANK YOU! I need you guys more than you know.

The biggest thank you to my midwife and all the nurses at Castle Medical Center. We had a phenomenal experience. So personal, professional and genuinely caring. Every single one of you are so appreciated. 

Thomas George, we are so lucky that you are here and that you are healthy. We seriously love you so much. Now, let the biggest adventure of our lives begin! <3

Thomas George, 6 weeks old. &lt;3

Thomas George, 6 weeks old. <3

100 Things

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I can't remember the last time I've felt so out of touch with the blogging world. I've been publishing posts on and off since 2007 from various platforms but took quite the break.

Recently, I've been craving creativity. I've felt so disconnected from it as I've been growing this human. Totally and completely mentally blank!
As I reach the end of my pregnancy the juices are starting to flow again. It's so exciting and to be honest I'm entirely grateful because I was scared they wouldn't be back!

2017 is right around the corner and one of my biggest goals is to get back into a blogging habit. To create and document and just get back in touch with writing because I enjoy it so much.

What better way to get my creativity flowing than to devour Kimberly Wilson's books/website. It's inspired me to notice and savor the small moments, journal again and get back in touch with my feminine energy. I stumbled upon her 100 things and thought it would be the perfect way to jump back in! So happy to be back!

100 things

1. My husband and I graduated HS together in Northern Minnesota, 2006. We didn't start dating until 8 years later when we met up for lunch in Las Vegas -- the rest is history!

2. I drink decaf in the morning.

3. I never thought I'd have kids -- I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant and over the moon excited to meet my son. I am going to be the coolest MOM!

4. My chihuahua Finn is the love of my life. He's seriously like a little human and I love him far beyond what I could ever describe to someone else.

5. No matter where I go (currently Kailua, Hawaii), Northern Minnesota will always be home and family will always be number one.

6. I'll be turning 30 this year and I'm stoked for it. Truly.

7. I got married barefoot. 

8. I first visited the ocean in grade school. I knew right away I wanted to live in a beach town someday.

9. I was born in Aspen, CO -- Colorado will always be one of my favorite places!

10. No matter how much I try to like new music, I always go back to what I grew up on: Bob Dylan, Fleetwood Mac, Bruce Springsteen, Counting Crows etc.

11. I'm a Virgo through and through and will not be caught without my planner.

12. It is my greatest desire to have a natural, unmedicated birth. (Update: Things didn't go as planned for the birth of Thomas George. Maybe the next one!) (Update: We did it! Mikko James, my baby soulmate.)

13. I've lived in Colorado, Minnesota, Hawaii, Nevada, Arizona and Texas. I am really excited to be in one place for almost two years now!

14. We talk about going back to Italy just because we dream of the gelato and pizza. The BEST!

15. My parents are my biggest inspiration and their house is my favorite place. I love my family!

16. I'm super gadgety. I love my iPhone and Mac and Best Buy is one of my happy places!

17. I've tried so hard to like cooking, I just don't. I'm finally ok with my little food prepping, owning that I'll never be a master chef!

18. I love books. Oooooo, I love books!

19. My hubby and I have three shows we watch together: Big Bang Theory, Shark Tank and Hawaii 5-0.

20. I was voted Homecoming Queen my senior year of HS. 

21. As I type this, my son is practicing kick-boxing in my belly. Lots of rolls and punches.

22. My wedding ring is a wave made on Oahu. I love it.

23. I gained (and lost) 40 lbs. after HS and struggled with Adrenal Fatigue and crazy food cravings. It feels like a different life as I've found balance and wellness and its the greatest gift.

24. My little chihuahua Finn has an Instagram following of over 2,000 people.

25. I've worked at some pretty big companies like Zappos, Whole Foods, Stryker and Four Seasons. I've never really let myself get too attached to a job though. Life, travel and adventure always win.

26. I'm currently writing a book. 

27. I totaled a car once. I really really don't like driving in the snow!!

28. I always love airports and traveling. My husband works for the airline so I fly for free. That my friends, is manifestation!

29. I've had many career lives including a licensed cosmetologist, massage therapist, health coach and Yoga instructor. None of which I am currently practicing.

30. I have 8 tattoos and counting. I hope to get another one this year! It's an art and I dig it.

31. If I had the choice I'd go to Office Max before the mall. Office supplies over clothes and shoes any day!

32. I've seen Bob Dylan in concert three times and Stevie Nicks twice, always the youngest and loudest in the crowd!

33. I have so many notebooks. They all have a purpose. No shame.

34. It's been YEARS since I've had any type of fast food. I just can't do it (and I'm totally happy with that!).

35. I've been blogging on and off since 2007. My first blog was on Blogger and it was called Wild Tree.

36. My ideal lazy day is wandering around the bookstore with a decaf after a good massage. Sunday of my dreams!

37. I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

38. Inspired by my dad, I've been taking some photography classes and really respect the art.

39. If I couldn't live in Hawaii I'd probably want to be in Colorado or Minnesota.

40. I love doing laundry and hate cooking. I love to vacuum and hate cleaning the bathroom.

41. Sometimes I think I'd get rid of Facebook if it wasn't for my family group. I love being in touch with them so easy! Perks of social media!

42. I never understood football until I got together with my husband. Now I'm a Broncos fan and once came in second in my Fantasy Football league.

43. I'm part Italian, part Finnish, part Croatian and part mystery. One of my grandfather's was adopted and we don't know his background!

44. I once lived in a Yurt for two weeks in the hills of Santa Barbara. It was such a dream come true!

45. I've never had much patience. It is something I have worked on and continue to work on, everyday!

46. I'm just about 6ft. tall.

47. I never attended traditional college.

48. My favorite type of Yoga is Restorative, it's so yummy and so needed in this fast paced world.

49. I jumped out of a plane once. The weird part was that I wasn't nervous, however I don't have the need to ever do it again.

50. I'm always early. My sister's call it hardcore, I say if I'm not 10 minutes early, I'm late.

51. I could never tell you what my favorite color is because it just depends on my mood. I'm a million people wrapped in one, I swear!

52. I will vision collage anything I can get my hands on. I love making vision boards, notebooks and little cards.

53. I went through a health coaching program in 2012. It is my greatest belief that everyone should experience that course! 

54. I have a botched tattoo. It makes for a pretty good story, if you ever see me feel free to ask me about it!

55. I LOVE Lucy.

56. Japan was my first ever passport stamp. I find international travel SO thrilling!

57. I've been vegetarian, raw, paleo and vegan. Now I just try my best to be mindful and balanced. It's worked the best so far.

58. One of my biggest bucket list dreams is to someday ride a Harley... by myself...!

59. My little chihuahua Finn sleeps in my bed, curled up to my side and probably will for the next 19 years!

60. I knew I was going to marry my husband on our FIRST DATE.

61. I will try every holistic home remedy before I ever go to the store or to the Doctor!

62. Dark chocolate with carmel & sea salt = HEAVEN!

63. I pretty much live in flip flops and I don't like wearing pants.

64. I love the thought of entrepreneurship. My hat goes off to anyone doing their own thing, it's so inspiring!

65. When I was young I collected... pretty much everything. Gum wrappers, stamps, coins, dice. You name it I probably had a bag of it! 

66. I'm SUCH a list person... lists on lists on lists. Is it a virgo thing? I think so!

67. I do not watch the news. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

68. I was sorted into Gryffindor at Pottermore.com -- my patronus is a dolphin.

69. I feel so passionately about us getting back in touch with nature. The way we eat, what we put in and on our bodies.. how we treat the earth. It's all so important!

70. I've moved 13 times since the day I graduated high school.

71. I believe laughter is the best medicine and is one of my most valued qualities in the people around me.

72. My oldest sister is a rehabilitating drug addict. You never know how strong a family can be until they are faced with an unthinkable challenge. I admire her will to never give up but will never be able to fully understand it.

73. I used to be a smoker, now I couldn't even imagine it!

74. My wedding dress was $117.00 ~ ba-boom CHING!

75. I love to exercise... to sweat... it makes me feel STRONG! 

76. I don't do well when I'm sick. I just don't have time for it so I can get a little cranky!

77. In 8th grade I went to Barbados, St. Martin and Martinique ~ one of the trips that sparked my intense desire to travel the world!

78. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

79. I had a lot of fun partying in my early twenties but I'm at a point in life that if I never had another drink again I'd be totally fine with it.

80. I love to learn. I have to learn! Even if it's just taking a photography class on Skillshare or reading a book on Yoga.

81. I love being dragged behind a boat in the Minnesota sunshine.. whether on skis, in a tube or on a wakeboard!

82. My hubby and I were walking through the woods in Saratoga Springs, NY when Jack Johnson passed by us on his bike. I melted. I love him!

83. I once had my entire body spray painted yellow to play Marge Simpson. It was all fun and games until I was in the tub until 4am trying to wash the paint off! 

84. I don't know what boredom is. I can seriously keep myself busy for days on end... I'll never understand!!

85. I could (and do) sit at the coffeehouse all day with my laptop and a bag of books.

86. I'm almost sure I spend way too much time on Social Media.. working on that.

87. I use natural products all over my house from the laundry detergent to the dish soap.. toothpaste to my deodorant. I just can't do all the uber strong smells, chemicals and colors!

88. Swimming with a sea turtle along the coast of Hawaii is by far one of the greatest moments of my life! Beautiful creature in the salty water and sunshine!

89. My little sister is one of the greatest people I know.

90. Tom asked me to marry him our first morning in Hawaii. He took me to the beach for sunrise and got down on one knee.. as if it wasn't the best day already!!

91. My nickname when I worked at Zappos was Granola. I was a little crunchy, still am and proud of it!

92. I was once pulled over for speeding. I went to friends and family court and got ripped on by the judge in front of an entire courtroom when I told him I was on my way to Bingo.

93. The older I get the less and less I like amusement park rides.

94. I'll always be a morning person.

95. There is nothing I like about tomatoes. The smell, the texture and the taste all gross me out.

96. I talk to my mom on the phone almost everyday.

97. My left foot is smaller than my right foot. It stopped growing after I had surgery on it in 8th grade.

98. I've always had roommates, I've never actually never lived in a place on my own!

99. Once on a road trip from Texas to Minnesota I tried to avoid the tolls, which added tons of time and some really random towns to our drive. My sister won't let me live it down but it makes for a good story!

100. My name on my birth certificate is Elyse', no one has ever really pronounced it with the accent but it's never too late!

Thank you for reading! Here's to 2017, creativity and jumping back into the blogging world consistently!